1. Wear an aviator jacket. And aviator helmet. And goggles.

2. BUT NOT AT ALL TIMES. Only wear them when you are writing (or artisting in the means of your choice). Or about to write. Or thinking about writing. Otherwise it's just dumb.

3. Remember: you are now in a gang. A writers'and artists' gang. Just deal with it. You are now dangerrrrrrrous with many 'r's in.

4. If more than one artist gathers in public they should walk into that public space slouching in their cool flying jackets and clicking their fingers. And maybe singing in harmony. Make sure you know how to click your fingers.

5. If you do not know how to click your fingers, it's okay. I have a book out for fourteendollarsninetynine called 'Click Your Fingers The Easy Way'.

6. All gangs have hazings and initiations. The standard hazing in this instance is that you will be laughed at, ignored and broke. Possibly for ever. You may develop a heavy petting relationship with alcohol or chocolate or sex or Rimbaud or solitude or your ever-growing collection of camera lenses and will have to find ways to disguise this or at least dress it up a little.

8.You are your own hazer. I am not entirely sure how long this hazing period will last. If you wear the aviator jacket, possibly not as long as you'd feared.

9. You need to wear the aviator jacket.

10. Otherwise you might forget you are an artist.

11. You then will look as cool as the woman in the picture, and if you are a man, you will still look as cool as that, but in a masculine way.

12. When you talk to people about writing, perfect a thousand yard stare. If you have never had anything big or grand or traumatic happen to you, imagine there is an object about three metres behind the person's eyeballs and look intently at that. That will do for a thousand yard stare, at a pinch.

13. Each week, imagine that imaginary object is a metre further away. Get someone to convert decimal to imperial, and after (X) time, you will have grown your own thousand yard stare.

14. Alternatively, live a difficult life.

15. This next bit is important. Listen up. When you approach your typewriter, keyboard, easel, camera: ADOPT A BUFFALO STANCE. Make sure you do not look stupid while you are doing this.

16. Avoid sniper bullets when roaming at large. Once you wear your cool artist's aviator jacket, you will be an easy target for those dogs and curs who hate art and all it stands for.

17. To be on the safe side, you may have to live underground.

I feel damn glad to be able to give you this life-changing stuff for free. No donation is required, however much you might demand to line my coffers in gratitude.

A picture of you being successful (preferably in an aviator's jacket) is welcome but not necessary.

Actually, you can donate me a flying jacket.